21 Chuck Norris Jokes

1. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

2. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

3. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

4. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

5. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

6. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

7. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

8. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

9. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

10. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

11. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

12. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

13. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

14. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

15. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

16. Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.

17. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

18. If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

19. One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

20. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.

21. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.